Seasons

When I was younger I used to wet the bed. My family tried everything they could to make me stop. From making me carry my mattress outside to not letting me drink water after six o' clock but nothing seemed to work. I remember one particular occasion, on my fourth birthday. I woke up on my grandma's bed and it was dry! My grandma was so happy she baked me an extra cake. She told everyone that came that day that I was now a big girl and I didn't wet the bed. I was so proud of myself but those feelings were short lived. The next day like clockwork I was back to wetting the bed. 

    When I was six years old my family and I were in London on holiday and instead of staying at my grandparents we were staying at my mum's plush office-owned apartment. It was so nice that my mum didn't want me ruining the mattresses so she made me wear huggies pull-ups to sleep. One day I ran out of pull-ups so she put two sanitary pads together and made me wear it to sleep. Needless to say, it was the most embarrassing summer of my life (or so I thought). This wetting the bed problem gave me serious anxiety. I was always scared to sleep over at my cousin's or friends houses because I was scared I'd wet their bed. I cried every time it happened and asked myself why I couldn't just stop! I even prayed about it but it just kept on happening. After my ninth (I know! :o) birthday I noticed that I just didn't wet the bed anymore. It was gradual but one day it just stopped altogether. This time I didn't get a cake but it was okay because my Dad said to me after I pointed out that I didn't wet the bed anymore "I knew you would stop when it was your time to". I didn't understand it completely at the time but the older I've gotten the more I've realised that everything has its season. You might not be where or who you want to be yet but believe that if it's meant for you it will come. Nothing you physically do will catalyse it until it is your season. Now taking this a little further, the point of this is that God always has a plan for you. Sometimes you might have an insight as to what the plan is and you might want it to happen immediately and when it doesn't you are baffled. You don't understand why if you are destined to succeed it isn't happening yet. But God might just be preparing you. If He gave it to you when you wanted it you might not have been able to handle it. In conclusion, don't worry about things that seem out of your control. Be rest assured that everything good that is meant for you will come. Focus on the things that are going right for you instead and it will all be ok. Your season is coming. 

Till next time, peace and love xx

Life update

Lately I've found myself questioning a lot of things in my life. I feel like I'm this transitional phase where nothing makes sense. I have so many questions and not nearly enough answers. What should I be doing with my life? Where am I headed? Why does everything seem to be standing still? Will I get past this feeling? My whole existence is just conflicted. I realise now how easy it is to get caught up in other people's seemingly perfect lives even though I tell myself everyday not to compare my life's pace with anyone else's. I guess it's because I'm in sort of a limbo right now, in between finishing uni and picking a career path. I know I should be savouring this free time that I have, learning a skill or just plain enjoying my freedom but I just feel trapped. What if I never get that dream job? What if I'm not as amazing as I think I am and nobody wants me? I'm trying really hard not to doubt myself but I'm failing miserably. These thoughts weigh me down so heavily, they creep into all my airy moments. I don't know what to do but I am certain I'm not the only one who feels like this and I'm determined to overcome this feeling. Writing this all down has helped, praying also really helps. If there's anyone reading this (which I highly doubt) who also feels this way know that this too shall pass. Find a way to organise and compartmentalise these feelings. Figure out the ones that you can do something about and the ones that you just have to leave to God and time. Pray for God's guidance and his help to find purpose in your life and remember that you are a star. That's what I'm going to be doing anyway. I'll let you know how it works for me. Till then, stay positive. 

                          Love, Romoke x

Why do you pray?

Why do you pray?

When I was younger I used to say The Lord's Prayer every night before I went to sleep because that is what we were told to do at Sunday school. During my early teens I still said The Lord's Prayer at night but only when I remembered or when I had done something particularly naughty and wanted forgiveness. I would emphasise "FORGIVE us our SINS" and then rush through the rest of the prayer. As I got older though I started to realise that prayer wasn't only for times when we sought forgiveness. Slowly I started to see prayer as a source of comfort when I felt alone, pillar of strength when I felt weak and helpless, a medium of showing gratitude for the things I had and for the times I was really happy and even as a point of contact to God at any time of the day or anywhere for that matter. I started to say little words of prayer throughout the day. I still say The Lord's Prayer every night as a kind of introduction to my prayers, I guess it's a force of habit. But now I pray because I'm happy, I pray because I'm optimistic about the future, I pray to give thanks, I pray because I know God is listening and yes, I still pray for divine FORGIVENESS. Lol. Why do you pray?

As it is exam period, here's a little prayer for anyone reading this and that has exams coming up:

Lord Jesus,

As I now prepare for my exams, I ask you to grant me strength of mind and constant hope. Banish from my mind all fear, anxiety, regret and nervous distraction. May your gift of the Holy Spirit guide and enlighten my fragile mind. At this difficult time, give me the gift of self-confidence and an assurance that you will hear my prayer, answer my need and continue to guide me as I pursue life’s journey.

I ask this prayer through Christ Our Lord.

Amen.

Because I'm Unhappy.

14/12/2013

At this point in my life I'm very unhappy. I know I have many things to be happy about/thankful for but you see, unhappiness is a very selfish feeling. It casts shadows on all the good things and magnifies the sad sad things. I've been unhappy before. I thought I had overcome it but it just hides in a corner waiting to strike again and next time harder, with more force, having no mercy and taking no hostages. At this point I'm thinking; do I want it to go back into hiding? When it strikes again, and I know it will, will I be able to handle it again? How much more can I take? How much more till it eats me up and sucks every fibre of happiness from me? Till it masks everything that brings me joy and has me cowering from the light? I don't know. I guess I just have to get on with it. Put on a brave face and keep on keeping on. There's no one path to happiness, so there's no point talking about it to anyone. Does happiness find one or do you have to go looking for it in every nook and cranny of ones sour existence? I really don't know. I'm tired of feeling. Feelings that won't go away. Feelings that keep you up at night. Feelings that steal your smile half way. Feelings that make your heart physically ache and your stomach churn. I'm just tired. 

New Blog Name

Happy new year blog-world! A bit awks as we're more than halfway into 2013 but this is my first post this year so it's a new year to me okay?? You may be wondering why I took such a long hiatus from blogging or whatever it is I do, or you may not be but I'm going to tell you anyway. It's kind of been a hectic year for me, not hectic bad but just really busy I suppose. The year has gone by so quickly, I can't believe I'll be in my second year at Uni come october. Truth be told, I had forgotten I even had a blog and when I remembered, I couldn't recall my password and I just couldn't be bothered. But lo, extreme boredom has jogged my memory. Oh yeah, I'm way off-track the aim of this blog post. It's too announce my neeeew blog naaammee, yaaaayy (throws confetti). I'm not a teenager anymore (gasps) so I've decided to let go of the ending of my old blog name. I'm still as confused as I used to be but I now don't know what to refer to myself as. I'm certainly not a woman and naming my blog Rants and Bants of a Confused Young Lady sounds plain silly so it's Just Rants and Bants now, which i quite like. Get used to it! Till next time, peace and love xo.

No And Me

“When you can’t sleep at night, worries multiply - they swell and get bigger, and as time ticks by, the future grows darker, the evidence backs up your worst fears, nothing seems possible anymore, nothing is calm or surmountable. Insomnia is the dark side of the imagination. I’m familiar with these black, secret hours. The following morning you wake up numb, the disaster scenarios have become fantastical. The day will wipe away the memory of them. You get up, wash and tell yourself that you’ll make it. But sometimes the night does announce the colour of the day, sometimes the night reveals only the truth: time passes and things will never be the same again”

—	No and Me. Delphine de Vigan

Silence

In our silence my head screams!
These thoughts I think  all have to be dreams.

In our silence I've said a million words to you
And you reply, your quiet whispers velvety and soft.
Comforting not demanding, each word confirming your love.

In our silence our bodies draw nearer.
Eager, needing, never once resisting.
The screams in my head not nearly as threatening.

In my silence I wonder what you feel.
My soul seeks your soul.
Everything you are I long to know.

Breaking the silence you question my shyness..
I say nothing, I just kiss you hoping it conveys the questions, the insecurity, the happiness but most especially the love.
All wrapped up in one
In our silence, my thoughts screams with these..