14/12/2013
At this point in my life I'm very unhappy. I know I have many things to be happy about/thankful for but you see, unhappiness is a very selfish feeling. It casts shadows on all the good things and magnifies the sad sad things. I've been unhappy before. I thought I had overcome it but it just hides in a corner waiting to strike again and next time harder, with more force, having no mercy and taking no hostages. At this point I'm thinking; do I want it to go back into hiding? When it strikes again, and I know it will, will I be able to handle it again? How much more can I take? How much more till it eats me up and sucks every fibre of happiness from me? Till it masks everything that brings me joy and has me cowering from the light? I don't know. I guess I just have to get on with it. Put on a brave face and keep on keeping on. There's no one path to happiness, so there's no point talking about it to anyone. Does happiness find one or do you have to go looking for it in every nook and cranny of ones sour existence? I really don't know. I'm tired of feeling. Feelings that won't go away. Feelings that keep you up at night. Feelings that steal your smile half way. Feelings that make your heart physically ache and your stomach churn. I'm just tired.
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