Monday, 10 October 2016

Seasons

When I was younger I used to wet the bed. My family tried everything they could to make me stop. From making me carry my mattress outside to not letting me drink water after six o' clock but nothing seemed to work. I remember one particular occasion, on my fourth birthday. I woke up on my grandma's bed and it was dry! My grandma was so happy she baked me an extra cake. She told everyone that came that day that I was now a big girl and I didn't wet the bed. I was so proud of myself but those feelings were short lived. The next day like clockwork I was back to wetting the bed. 
    When I was six years old my family and I were in London on holiday and instead of staying at my grandparents we were staying at my mum's plush office-owned apartment. It was so nice that my mum didn't want me ruining the mattresses so she made me wear huggies pull-ups to sleep. One day I ran out of pull-ups so she put two sanitary pads together and made me wear it to sleep. Needless to say, it was the most embarrassing summer of my life (or so I thought). This wetting the bed problem gave me serious anxiety. I was always scared to sleep over at my cousin's or friends houses because I was scared I'd wet their bed. I cried every time it happened and asked myself why I couldn't just stop! I even prayed about it but it just kept on happening. After my ninth (I know! :o) birthday I noticed that I just didn't wet the bed anymore. It was gradual but one day it just stopped altogether. This time I didn't get a cake but it was okay because my Dad said to me after I pointed out that I didn't wet the bed anymore "I knew you would stop when it was your time to". I didn't understand it completely at the time but the older I've gotten the more I've realised that everything has its season. You might not be where or who you want to be yet but believe that if it's meant for you it will come. Nothing you physically do will catalyse it until it is your season. Now taking this a little further, the point of this is that God always has a plan for you. Sometimes you might have an insight as to what the plan is and you might want it to happen immediately and when it doesn't you are baffled. You don't understand why if you are destined to succeed it isn't happening yet. But God might just be preparing you. If He gave it to you when you wanted it you might not have been able to handle it. In conclusion, don't worry about things that seem out of your control. Be rest assured that everything good that is meant for you will come. Focus on the things that are going right for you instead and it will all be ok. Your season is coming. 

Till next time, peace and love xx

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Life update

Lately I've found myself questioning a lot of things in my life. I feel like I'm this transitional phase where nothing makes sense. I have so many questions and not nearly enough answers. What should I be doing with my life? Where am I headed? Why does everything seem to be standing still? Will I get past this feeling? My whole existence is just conflicted. I realise now how easy it is to get caught up in other people's seemingly perfect lives even though I tell myself everyday not to compare my life's pace with anyone else's. I guess it's because I'm in sort of a limbo right now, in between finishing uni and picking a career path. I know I should be savouring this free time that I have, learning a skill or just plain enjoying my freedom but I just feel trapped. What if I never get that dream job? What if I'm not as amazing as I think I am and nobody wants me? I'm trying really hard not to doubt myself but I'm failing miserably. These thoughts weigh me down so heavily, they creep into all my airy moments. I don't know what to do but I am certain I'm not the only one who feels like this and I'm determined to overcome this feeling. Writing this all down has helped, praying also really helps. If there's anyone reading this (which I highly doubt) who also feels this way know that this too shall pass. Find a way to organise and compartmentalise these feelings. Figure out the ones that you can do something about and the ones that you just have to leave to God and time. Pray for God's guidance and his help to find purpose in your life and remember that you are a star. That's what I'm going to be doing anyway. I'll let you know how it works for me. Till then, stay positive. 
                          Love, Romoke x